Not that long ago I sat in a room with a group of girls who had nothing but negative things to say about their bodies. I sat there, feeling emotionally drained and exhausted from the conversation itself. I’m a person who thrives off of positive emotions, so when one of them asked if I was okay, my answer was that I was “just tired”. Which wasn’t a total lie since I sat there head in my hands, counting down the minutes of seventh hour.
Let the record show that I was in no way a part of this negative conversation. In fact, I couldn’t be more proud of myself for not engaging or encouraging. Not very many understand why I could have possibly been proud, but a few will know where I’m coming from.
I used to be that girl to engage in that kind of conversation. I used to be that girl who started every topic with the fact that I was too fat, or too short, or too ugly. And that’s what was happening that day. One girl talked about how she was too fat to wear one thing, even though I’m pretty sure my shirt size is bigger than her shirt size; one girl complained about how she needed to lose some weight, even though she was probably the second skinniest one there; and one girl joked about being too small. To be the girl who stayed quiet was a victory for me. To feel comfortable and strong enough to decide that the topic of discussion was too toxic and did not make me happy was an obvious win.
Someone pointed out that for the person to call themselves too fat while sitting right in front of me, and also me being the biggest out of all of them, seemed insulting. And maybe in another lifetime, I would have been offended, but I wasn’t. ‘Cause even though the person’s complaint about their body shape was false, the fact that I’m bigger was not. Call me fat all you want, it’s not going to make a difference. I’m not gonna go all Cinderella-the-night-of-the-ball and transform into a thinner version of myself. The fact that I’m bigger than some is just that, a fact. It doesn’t make me ugly, it doesn’t make me undesirable, it doesn’t make me a target. It makes me human. I am not like you, I have differences. I’m not even what you would call skinny let alone fat, I'm just a human who’s body is constantly changing.
This is good, I thought. This means change. Not only did I accept myself while the group of girls were talking about all the things they hated about themselves, but I accepted myself after. Not to pat me on the back, but that’s healthy. It’s strong to walk away from being fed all these negative viewpoints about body types and still see yourself the way you did before.
This brings me to the topic of acceptance. You should accept who you are, no matter what. Which is so cheesy to say, but honestly so true. And, I get it. Maybe you want to lose weight, maybe you want to gain the curves. And even though everyone shouts “You’re perfect the way you are,” don’t let that stop you. Nobody’s perfect, but you should 100% accept what you look like without change. Change without acceptance prior is dangerous. If you’re saying “I need to work out and lose weight” instead of “I love myself but I want to work out and lose weight” then you’re heading down the road of disappointment.
Unless you’re dying or have a medical problem, you don’t need to lose weight. You want to. Unless you’re dying or have a medical problem, you don’t need to gain weight. You want to. And if you want it bad enough to make a change, then make it. THIS IS YOUR BODY! You can change your body however you’d like and no one else gets a say.
There’s always going to be a way of improvement for yourself that is different from someone else. Everyone has a goal they want to reach — unless you don’t and you love your body the way it is right now, then good for you and you should be proud of yourself because that’s not a small feat! — the goals may differ but everyone’s working towards something. It’s not fair to be jealous of a skinny girl for simply being skinny, and it’s not fair to be rude to a bigger girl for simply being bigger. And, of course, vice versa.
I’m not gonna lie, I don’t love myself all the time. There are some days I’d like to look different, have shorter hair, and have brown eyes instead of blue. And I’m not that comfortable in my body to wear whatever I want without getting anxiety. AND THAT’S OKAY! There’s a common misconception that in order to love yourself or accept yourself you have to keep that mindset every minute of every hour of every day. But you don’t have to, like how you don’t have to be happy 24/7 to be a happy person. I don’t love myself every day, which is acceptable because who does? At least I accept myself and value my existence, which is all you really need to move forward and feel happy. I hope you feel happy, and if you don’t I’m praying you’ll get there because you deserve to feel good no matter the circumstance!
“It’s okay if you want to change the body that you came in because you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen.” - Hailee Steinfeld from “Most Girls”.
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