character development

A couple days ago Josie and I were talking about our own character development. As writers and readers we pay special attention to the characters’ changes and improvement. And it doesn’t just happen in books. Movies, TV shows, songs, musicals, and even in life. I’m constantly changing, becoming a better version of myself. You can ask me how and I’ll sit you down and list off every single thing that has made me a better human.

Before the new school year started I was a ball of insecurity and held in emotions. I was too scared to speak my mind, so I pushed in everything that could possibly disappoint my parents, my friends, and everyone else around me. I called myself a religious conservative who did not support gay rights and silenced conversations about rape and sexual assault, especially ‘cause that’s what I was taught to do. But, I just want to make it clear that that was the old me. I’ve had a character development. Before I was a self-conscious girl who wore skirts that made her miserable. I don’t mean to trigger anyone, but I probably will. Here’s the thing, I’ve changed so I’m not that scared little girl anymore. I’m outspoken and I will continue to be outspoken because I can’t come back from what I’ve already said. 

People will deny it, because they don’t like confrontation, but I had to fight just to ditch the skirts. I’ve been through hell. Yes, I wish it would’ve been different. I wish I didn’t have to yell and cry and scream to become who I am today. But because of the particular situation I was in, I had to. Sure, I wish the past was more pleasant than it was, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve gotten to who I’ve wanted to become. I’ve fought so hard and I can’t go back now. 

I’ve pulled on my pants, I’ve brushed on mascara, and I’ve called myself a feminist. A feminist who is proud of the LGBTQ+ community, a feminist who will literally fight for the injustice of rape, a feminist who will make a girl smile, a feminist who will provide a shoulder for a boy to cry on. Finding my identity just led me to gaining my confidence. And, for me, it’s as simple as that. 

That’s my character development. Gaining what I never had. Confidence. Now I can say what I want to say without being scared, feel feelings, and call myself who I’ve been wanting to be for the longest time ever. 

Being who you were taught to be doesn’t mean you’re that person. You have the right to find yourself. You have the right to develop your own inner character. This isn’t a book or a TV show, but I’m telling you with full confidence, life becomes easier when you fight for who you want to become. If you can see your future self in your dreams and goals but not in the mirror, change something. I promise you, everything will fall right into place.