I’m here to speak my truth because I’ve stayed silent too long.
I’ve stayed silent for many, many years. I’m not making excuses because there is no excuse for it but one of the main reasons why I never spoke out was because I didn’t know how and I thought it would be crossing the line somehow if I did. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a white female. As a female, I can say that I’ve experienced oppression, one way or another. But I will never, never experience the same oppression that black people have endured. Since I’m white, I didn’t know where to begin, what to say, what action to take. That was and still is no excuse to stay silent. Don’t know what to say? Learn what to say. Don’t know what to do? Learn what to do. Don’t know how to fight. Learn how to fight. Education is one of the biggest and most important things you could do right now, especially for a white person. Don’t wait and make a person of color explain it to you because they shouldn’t have to. It’s not their job to wake you up every time. There are many resources and people to learn from. Down below is a list of just a few Instagram accounts that I’ve been following and learning from. Please take the time to follow them, read their posts, and learn from them.
We The Urban (@wetheurban)
NAACP (@naacp)
MPD_150 (@mpd_150)
Rachel Elizabeth Cargle (@rachel.cargle)
ACLU (@aclu_nationwide)
Layla Thee Ancestress (@laylafsaad)
The Equality Institute (@theequalityinstitute)
Feminist (@feminist)
CHNGE History (@chnge.history)
Minnesota Freedom Fund (@mnfreedomfund)
The Loveland Foundation (@thelovelandfoundation)
Black Youth Project (@blackyouthproject)
Wear Your Voice Magazine (@wearyourvoice)
Color of Change (@colorofchange)
Check Your Privilege (@ckyourprivilege)
From Privilege to Progress (
@privtoprog)
Another reason why I stayed silent for so long was that I was too afraid to lose friends and family. I can proudly say that I do not give a single fuck anymore. I’ve ended a six-year friendship, called out friends on their bullshit, fought my family until I was in tears, unfollowed friends, and had friends unfollow me. Are you really going to keep your racist friends and live with the guilt of not saying anything every time they say something racist or use the n-word? To all of my friends who I have not yet called out, I’m extremely disappointed in you. Why did you use the n-word, and not only once but multiple times? Why did you continue to use it after I told you not to so long ago? Why did you continue to use the word after knowing your black friends have voiced that it makes them uncomfortable? To my family who continues to degrade the black community and use the n-word without remorse, do better. Listen to your daughter, your niece, your sister when I say that what you are doing is wrong.
When I heard my white friends say the n-word I was surprised at first. I knew it was bad and disrespectful, but the more they said it the more I figured that only the cool kids said it. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was twelve and didn’t know feminism then. But the more I educated myself I learned that saying the n-word as a non-black person did not make you cool, it made you an asshole. I thought about something today and I figured I would share it with you because it made me so angry and confused:
Journalist Clifton Johnson, in 1904, documented the character of the n-word, emphasizing that the word was chosen in the South precisely because it was more offensive than the word “colored”, which the NAACP said that the term “colored” was in no way derogatory. They chose the word for their title because it was the most positive description commonly used. In earlier history, the n-word was used as somewhat endearing and used in substitution for “dude” or “guy”, like Mark Twain’s use of the word in his literature. But, in 1965, H.W Fowler’s second edition of A Dictionary of Modern English Usage (1926) stated this: “N. has been described as ‘the term that carries with it all the obloquy (strong public criticism and verbal abuse) and contempt and rejection which whites have inflicted on blacks’.”
The word itself was never meant to be used the way it was. White people took that word that just simply described black people and twisted it to make it derogatory. They used that word out of hate. I kept on thinking about the fact that in eighth grade we learned that genocide first starts with a word. A word that demeans an entire population, usually that of an ethnic group. For the Tutsis in Rwanda, that word was “cockroaches”. For the African Americans, that word was and still is the n-word.
I’ve observed that there are three groups of white people when it comes to the n-word. One group, without remorse, will declare the word, claiming they have an “n-word pass” (which doesn’t really exist if you use logic to think about it, being that the only people who say they have a pass are usually young white kids). Another group acknowledges that the word is not meant to be said by them and feel comfortable when hearing it come from a person of color. The last group, the idiotic one, feels uncomfortable and disgusted when hearing the word come out of anyone’s mouth. Here’s where the hypocrisy comes in. My ancestors, your (white people) ancestors, no doubt, used that word during the time of slavery and during the time of segregation. They used that word so much they wore it like a crown and stomped on the worth of every person of color. DOES THAT NOT MAKE YOU ANGRY?!!! And white people today have the audacity to not only continue to use that word but feel disgusted when a black person says it. You don’t get to feel disgusted. Imagine how disgusted they felt. They own that word now. It's not a swear word so stop acting like it is.
They get to use the word, they get to call people by the n-word, they should feel proud to take it back. That word played roles in the black genocide, so people of color get to say that word. Not you. Not your white ass, no way.
Another reason why I stayed silent was that I thought I needed to do the research, understand the situation better. For instance, when Ahmaud Arbery was murdered, I didn’t post anything, say anything, or share anything. I thought I needed to see the whole picture. But how big was the picture? How much did I need to see, exactly? What should have driven me to use my voice was the fact that AN INNOCENT BLACK MAN WAS MURDERED. Of course, education is important and you should never, never stop learning. But, in situations like these, the fact that someone was murdered should be enough for you. That should make you angry to the point where you want to go to Dunham’s and buy a punching bag. That should make your blood boil. It should make you want to start a revolution at least to the point where you say their name. Ahmaud Arbery. Say his name. Goerge Floyd. Say his name. Breonna Taylor. Say her name. Tamir Rice. Say his name.
Most of you aren’t saying shit. Nothing. Nothing is coming out of your mouth. I stayed silent for that one week and scrolled through Facebook as my friends posted about Ahmaud, AND I REGRET IT. God, I wish so badly that I could go back in time and say something. But I can’t, and there’s no better time than the present. I cannot sit here and scroll through Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and watch videos of peaceful protesters being maced and shot at. I cannot sit here and ignore the murders of hundreds of POC. Staying silent does not exempt you from the problem. Staying silent, actually, makes you a part of the problem. And when you know you’re part of the problem and you don’t do anything about it makes it even worse. I have friends who consciously stayed silent and are continuing to stay silent. To them, I say, “I see you.” You cannot hide your racism, your compliance, your white privilege. I know I’m privileged, I acknowledge that shit. Do you?
Do better. Tweet, post, share, pray, sign petitions, donate, email, call, text, learn, teach, record, stay woke, talk about it. You can’t do too much, right now. You can’t do too much ever. Don’t stay silent. Don’t refuse to use your voice. Silence is violence.
A list of hashtags to follow to stay woke:
A list of places you can donate to:
National Bail Out (nationalbailout.org)
Mutual Aid NYC (mutualaid.nyc)
Black Visions Collective (blackvisionsmn.org)
Reclaim the Block (reclaimtheblock.org)
Minnesota Freedom Fund (minnesotafreedomfund.org)
Official George Floyd Memorial Fund (https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd)
A list of petitions to sign:
A list of a few other things where you can learn about Black Lives Matter:
The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (YA novel & movie)
How To Be Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi (autobiography)
Dear White People (Netflix Original)
The Biography of Malcolm X
White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo (non-fiction self-help)
Dear Martin by Nic Stone (YA novel)
13th (Netflix Original documentary)
Becoming by Michelle Obama (autobiography & Netflix Original)
Code Black by Renee Duncan, Bunmi Adeoye, and Maxine McDonald (podcast)
Still Processing by Jenna Wortham and Wesley Morris (podcast)