Hey, beautiful!
If you personally know me, see me everyday, or go to my school you probably know how much of a happy person I am. I use phrases such as “looking hotter than a hot tamale”, “looking flawless like my dreams”, “QUEEN”, and so on. Or I’ll try to compliment as many people as I can. I always tell a group of girls how beautiful they look, how much I love their nails, or how cute their sweatshirt is. And, seriously, I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal, the truth is I’m just a happy person. I mean, I’ve literally been called out by my friends for being happy all the time, in fact I’m considered obnoxious. Not lying, the nickname ‘Sunflower’ has been developed for me. And, to be totally honest, I'm loving every bit of it.
Why am I happy all the time? “Good question,” I say to the made-up voice in my head. I used to consider myself an introvert (locking myself in my room and becoming best friends with Netflix), but now that my character development has finally taken place I like to call myself an extrovert. You ask me about my life, it doesn’t matter if I start crying or not, you will get my life story and know all my problems. Another annoying thing about myself. But, right now we’ll just say I’ve been to hell and back. Not only that, but I still deal with crap that people throw at me. My life is a ball of stress, so intense that your girl (me) has to leave early from school every Wednesday just to get to her counseling session.
So, trust me, I know what it’s like to cry yourself to sleep, write a 20 page story in your journal where you keep your depressing thoughts, having anxiety attacks at the most unfortunate times and telling your friends you’re okay when deep down you’re not. I know what it’s like to have a football game ruined, classes missed, and lost sleep because your life is crap. Trust me.
This is not a pity party. The last thing I want from you is to feel bad for me. Cause no matter how much of a hard-knock life it is, I’ve got things under control. There’s a God who has a plan for me. I’m telling you these things because I want you to know that I can, to an extent, understand how much things hurt. And since I know what it feels like, I’d rather not feel it. I would give a girl a hundred compliments if it meant she didn’t feel worthless. I would give a girl a hundred compliments if it meant the possibility of crying herself to sleep at night lessened. Making someone feel happy, even if it’s just a little dent in someone’s no-good day, it makes me feel happy.
I don’t compliment only girls, though. I have many guy friends who play sports, make memes, and read books. Just because girls like getting compliments doesn’t mean boys don’t. I’ve told a guy his eyebrows look amazing, I’ve cheered on my brother and his teammates at their baseball game, I’ve laughed at their memes (that they are amazing at making btw), and have talked for hours about books with one. There’s this one boy at my school who is the bestest (i know it's not a word, don't kill me) person ever. I used to give him high-fives everyday during English (soft ones, cause I like to do hard high-fives but he doesn’t). We haven’t high-fived in a while. I sort of miss it.
Here’s my logic for being happy. I know what it feels like to be scared, depressed, or anxious for no reason, or even for a reason. So, why would I want any of my friends or the beautiful people I go to school with and know feel that way, too? I may pull off the “I’m smiling but really need to cry” look. But if there’s something I can do, even if it’s a small something, to make me and people around me a little happier than why not do it? I don’t care how obnoxious I get. I’ve been given the nickname Sunflower for a reason. Search for sunshine during a rainy day, search for the fun inside of a school day, search for happiness at night when your morning has been spoiled.
Sure, telling the girl whom I don’t know I like her backpack may be a little obnoxious. Smiling and making people laugh may be a little annoying. And telling that guy his eyebrows are on fleek might seem a little weird. But I’ll take a smile and a little bit of happiness over no smiles and constant sadness any day.
Lots o’ love, Sunflower :)
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