For Margarite
I believe I speak for most of the world when I say that many of us have parts we don’t like the rest of the earth to see. We have flaws, have made mistakes in our pasts, or have parts of ourselves we fear others will find disgusting. But, since we all do, why do we hide it? If we are all different inside than how we present, then why don’t we just exist as we truly are, instead of hiding ourselves in the shadows, and only letting thin silhouette of ourselves see the sun? The answer to that question is rather simple, but may need a bit of explanation- we are afraid.
To speak from personal experience, I am afraid of how people will react when I reveal my true self to them. Though I seem to be happy and cheerful all the time, I am quite different on the inside. I’m a human being, I have experienced heartbreak, anxiety, and sadness. I have been manipulative and rude towards those who care about me, and I am in no way perfect. I have struggled with my sexuality and mental illness for my entire life, but no one would ever expect it from me. And, because I feared how the world would react to my flaws and quirks, I hid them away, shattering the mirror and replacing it with a flawed painting of what I wanted. Not what I was, but what I wanted from myself, even though it wasn’t even close to who I was, and it never would be. It didn’t help me at all, and it actually made my situation worse.
When I finally acknowledged how much I was hurting and decided to talk about it, those who I needed most didn’t believe me. They thought I was just being dramatic, or that I wanted attention. Or, worse, they took what I said the wrong way completely, twisting my words and shoving them back into my mouth. This hurt so much that I thought everything was over, that my world was ending. Thankfully, I was wrong, and I owe it to a lesson taught to me by someone who I barely knew and whom I so briefly met that she probably doesn’t even remember me. The lesson she taught me is this: you are allowed to be flawed.
These words stuck with me, and shook me to my core. I have struggled for years with my weight, sexuality, and self-worth, but suddenly, all of that disappeared. From that point on, whatever I will do will be done for me or for someone I care about, not just for a number or a compliment from a superior. Once I finally broke free from these chains that I let hold me down, the world was mine.
Everything I wanted was finally in reach. I lost the weight I wanted, and I did it carefully and with pride. I opened up about my sexuality, and found people who are like me. And, best of all, I grew to love myself again. I still have a long way to go, but I can say with confidence that I no longer hate myself, and that I want to live and see what I can make of this world. Put down the scissors, don’t clip your wings. It won’t make you happy and it will hurt more than anything. What will make you happy is to spread your wings, to break the limits and to soar higher than anyone ever has before.
To kind of draw all this together, what I’m trying to say is that you are a person. You are allowed to make mistakes, to have flaws, to want to grow, and to aspire to be something incredible. Just remember, you already are something incredible, and you should never let anyone take that away from you. You are wonderful, you are powerful, you are special, and you can change the world. Once you have that, you have everything you need to fight, to fly, and to live a life that you want. So, what are you waiting for? Go make this world your own.
Do not hide your face
Do not turn and run
Stand strong and tall
Stand like the warrior you know you are
Fear not the tyrants that scream from their throne
Fear not the darkness and live freely in the night
You are not a mistake
You are not wrong
You deserve to live a life of your own
And you deserve to be seen
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